I gotta get me a hobby!!!!!

Right people tonight I have the found the answer!! I need to get me a hobby!!!

One of my very dear friends has finally found the love of her life, now when I say finally I don't mean she has been left on the shelf with the reduced sticker on for what would be a serious health and safety breach, she has just been a little bit picky when it comes to the men folk!!!

The place - a roller skating marathon (Believe people, believe)!! Yes she is an adult, and yes this is the truth. Happily skating along minding her own business when all of a sudden he noticed her £45 roller disco skates and it was love at first sight for both of them. Ok when I say minding her own busines, what I actually mean is she was like a meercat on wheels, almost falling over her own feet with every man that skated past!

Here we are 3 1/2 wks into her new found love of mankind and he's already suggesting consulting her when he remortgages!!

Seriously if I had known the way to a man's heart was through a pair of roller skates I would have upgraded to roller blades and been entering the skating olympics by now. However, at the tender age of 27 I feel that I may be too old to learn this wonderful sport, so I need to find me a hobby that will bring the men to me in droves, but what one?????

My new found love guru who shall be referred to only as the black widow offers me these top tips

* Make him feel more important than your friends by texting or facebooking on your phone the entire night when your meant to be out with them

* Bribe any kids involved with sweets, or fizzy drinks

* Move personal possessions into their home whilst they are out

* Persuade them they did ask you to move in whilst under the influence of alcohol (secretly you buy them doubles)

* Visit the mother in law without them!

* Spend your entire life savings on their birthday presents, when their birthday happens to be only 3 weeks after meeting!

I know where I have been going wrong, forget playing it cool, forget not scaring them off, just go in for the kill and ask them to marry me in the very first text!

The other friend who was with me when being taught this valuable lesson has suggested I enrol on a massage course, now that sounds like a hobby that could come in handy, every man likes a massage! So my future love interests you could get lucky and have me rub lots of oil into you and get those knots out!

The black widow has just piped up with pole dancing, seriously this girl is on a role! Don't ever leave me black widow, I need you to stay with me and teach me everything you know!!!!!

Your comments Gentlemen please!

This post is for all you lovely men out there, ok well just men will do! I just want to know a bit about how your minds work. You see, as much as i'm not looking for love as such anymore I want to make sure that if Prince Charming does decide to pass through Plymouth and takes a fancy to this janner that I don't muck it up like I normally do!

What is it you want? Is it a good thing if a girl says she likes you, or does that scream 'needy cling on' at you? Do you like it if a woman asks you out for a drink or do you want to do all the chasing? If you start chatting to a girl is it because you genuinely want a chat as mates or is it usually because you want to get it on with her? Is asking to clarify if your dates could turn into a relationship quite possibly the worst question a girl could ask you? Why do you go quiet when your asked something you perhaps don't want to hear instead of speaking truthfully with the girl in question? Should the girl wait for you to request to link up with her and change your relationship status on facebook? (Ok that last one isn't quite as important as I haven't got anywhere remotely near as far as this stage with a man in the last 10 months but miracles do happen)!!!

There are so many unanswered questions about the reactions you men have to various different actions, and quite frankly it bloody frightens me that so many small things can put the final nail in the coffin for any potential relationship that may come my way! I am confused.com when it comes to the male species!

This post isn't aimed particularly at anyone I just want to know whats goes on in those wonderfully interesting little minds of yours! So please gentlemen give me some clues, hints, tips about how you men work, what you like and what not to do! I excitedly await your help.....

Cheats Everywhere

OMG!! We read in the papers and claim to be totally shocked that the likes of Ashley Cole or Tiger Woods yet I don't know why we are shocked!! They may be very well paid sportsmen but they are human beings and after my experiences this year I know that many, many men are ready to cheat their little naked behinds off if they get the chance!

I probably need more fingers and toes to be able to count the amount of serious offers I have had from the 'attached' kind of male species this year. 'Can I come over for a cup of coffee' or 'fancy some fun' being mainly the secret code words for 'can we get it on whenever I feel like it without the MRS knowing'!!!

Well no boys you can't! I think your disgraceful, you do not know how lucky you are to have a girlfriend or wife who is crazy enough to love you! I don't want you, I don't even want to bloody well talk to you anymore, you make me sick and I've totally had enough of your slimy sexual comments! Cheating is not sexy guys and it certainly doesn't turn me on you loser! The thinking your irresistable actually makes me want to puke and it's getting boring now! However revealing all to your girlfriend or wife about how you 'want to nail me' perhaps may give me a lot of pleasure!

My advice to you gents is this.... I'm not going to stand by while you degrade us women in this way, if you continue to try it on with me I will be catching up with your lady friend and believe me boys revenge is sweet!!!!!